How to Be Welcoming

I specialize in conducting insightful qualitative research, facilitating highly effective meetings, and coaching teams and individuals to navigate challenges with less stress, fostering an environment of innovation and inclusivity.
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Transcript

Paula Rosecky: 0:00

I appreciate you being here today. My name is Paula Rosecki. I am a very long time consumer market researcher. I do a lot of qualitative research. I facilitate meetings. And I take a few select one on one coaching or mentoring clients. And today I wanted to talk about this topic of how to be welcoming, especially with the upcoming holidays, you probably are maybe already in the midst of the number of gatherings that you're either creating. Or you are being invited to. So on that note, if you would like to invite other folks to this room here right now, it'd be great if you took a little look at those three dots that are on the top of this event, and then you can share it on your profile. And other folks will know that we're having this conversation. So I want to, I think what I want to talk about is the importance of being welcoming and then also give a few practical trips tips that I have found that work in various settings that maybe you can think about how you can incorporate this as well. And then I see we have a number of folks in the audience today who also do. Plenty of welcoming in their own careers. If you have examples in a few moments, I'll have you come on up and we can talk about that as well. A lot of what I'm going to be talking about today is gleaned from a few resources. One of which it probably is no surprise. It's called the art of gathering by Priya Parker, where she talks about, it's just the importance of creating on purpose with intention, the type of gathering that you have going on. And the other important resource that I find extremely valuable is called The Culture Map by Erin Meyer. And there are a few others that talk about the importance of understanding different international or cultural norms and values when you are inviting people into a meeting. You may be working with people from different cultures. And want to also understand from their point of view, what might be considered as something that is welcoming., it's an important professional, but also personal skill to. Understand how to create a welcoming gathering. It's important because it helps us feel more connected to the people that we're getting together with. And and this is part of humanity and how we stay connected to our own humanity, and every gathering. Is a set of different trade offs, right? A good gathering design isn't just something that's beautiful, but it's strategic. Priya says, she says, every decision is a trade off. And when we fail to think consciously about how we gather, we default to what we already know or what we've seen others do. I Love this because it opens our minds to what is a different way that we can get together with people? And I think especially in these days where we are meeting now, we're hybrid, right? We're either in person or sometimes we're online and being really intentional about what you want to create for that type of meeting can foster the result of being in a more welcoming environment. I wanted to give an example from my work life where I took this to another level. As you might guess, I really enjoy creating events and it's a lot of what I do for my work. So I think about it quite a bit. I once had a client who was from another country, it happened to be China in this case, and they were a manufacturer of a device. One of the methodologies we used in the research was to go out to people's homes and understand how people use these devices and the devices around that category. As we learned more and more about how people were using these devices, they became more interested in seeing more homes, unfortunately that was not available to them in their budget. And so I decided I've never done this before, but I will actually invite this client to my home so that they can understand, more of the systems that we use, maybe it's just an N of one, but that's okay. That will give them another context for how people live their lives here. I invited a few friends and that gave them an ethnography into my home. And I can't say I might do that for every single client, but I felt in this case that it was a way to be more welcoming, not only for understanding of their category, but a different type of home and different people. We had a really fabulous time. I like to give people a few questions to think about. I'm sure if you think through what, what has been a gathering that you have created where you felt like people could truly connect. What is a gathering that you have created where people can really connect? Where have you been part of a gathering where you felt truly heard and seen, because I think that is a main thing of why we like to gather is we all want to feel more connected to be seen and to be heard. What is the atmosphere that you're trying to create? And how can I ensure that everybody feels included and heard? And essentially, what is the goal of this meeting? I always like to think of what is the end goal we have in mind here so that we can create the experience and design whether it's a facilitated meeting or a personal gathering. What is it that we're trying to create? What is the feeling that we want people to have when they show up to this meeting? If anyone wants to come on up and raise your hand, I'm happy to have you come on up and we can talk about what your experiences are in creating gatherings, how you think about it, whether it's for your professional life or your personal life. What's on your mind around gathering? You should be able to see a little mute or unmute button. There you go. There I am. Yeah. I've been doing that all week. Thank you, Paula, for hosting another wonderful and welcoming meeting, and you've done that already. So appreciate it. Creating gatherings. Earlier this year, some people in a networking group that I belong to, many people expressed, either directly or indirectly, about wanting to learn how to journal. They didn't know how to start. And also just wanted a, more of a sense of community. So I took the opportunity and I created a journaling event. And I ran a little mini one hour workshop, if you will, and talked to them about journaling. And to make them feel welcome, and I only knew these people very loosely from the networking and more, virtually. Instead of jumping right into some thoughts about how to journal and all that, I put it out to them first. Why were they at the meeting? What did they want to learn about journaling? What was missing that they, that they needed some tools about it? And when we started the meeting, they shared all that. And that just gave me a forum to then plan a little more around what they needed to learn. And also to know about them and get some cross talk going among the different people. That was one strategy and it worked out really nicely. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. So it sounds like you did that prior to actually getting together, is that right? Or was it in the content? Were you already at the meeting? We were at the meeting. Okay. Okay.'cause I've seen it done both ways as well. There's, one another thing to think about is there something you can do ahead of time to prepare people? But either way can totally work, right? Understanding well what attracted you? What brought you to this meeting? Yeah, I think that's a great example of how to create. A way for people to feel a sense of belonging.. A few other things that, there are a couple of different resources or types of tips is using a shared story icebreaker. So you can build connections and find common ground with people by asking them to share a brief story or an experience that's related to the theme. Or even if it's online or within a community in person. In your case, Sue, it sounds like too, that's almost like an expectation. What is it, what is it you're trying to accomplish here today? And that can also be done using various tools, whether it's journaling or online tools like Miro or Miro are also available. And that helps people to ensure that your objectives are aligned, and acknowledge everyone's objectives, and create a space where all the voices are valued. Yeah, that's terrific. I have a quick question for you, Paula, on what you said about the shared story. Icebreaker, if I may? Yeah, of course. How do we make sure, as best as we can, that when we put out this icebreaker, Question or discussion point that we're not inadvertently leaving someone out. In other words, what happens if they don't have something to contribute to that, that they then feel unwelcome, if you will. Is there a specific example that you're thinking about? If not, that's okay. I'm thinking about where I moderate qualitative focus groups. I'm really careful with I don't know that I'd call them icebreakers, but general questions for warmups that don't make certain people in the group feel like they're the experts because they have experience with that. topic and others would then take a backseat throughout the rest of the session because they feel like, Oh I don't have that experience. So maybe my point of view isn't welcome if you will. Yeah. And I wonder there, if it's, it could be a simple, if this is relevant to you or if there is, or if whatever comes up for you. Just, it can just be a phrase that you put in there that opens it up a bit. If you're not sure, through a recruiting screener if that experience is available to them,, I think it can just be a simple phrase or whatever comes up for you. That is a good one. Thanks. I'm going to try that next week. Oh, yeah. Okay. Good. I'm going to step off the stage so that someone else has a chance to speak with you. Thanks again. No problem. And you're welcome to stay up here, too. Is anyone else would like to come on up and share an example or some way that you help people feel welcome? Thank you. Hi, Erin. Hi, Amy. Hi Sue. Hi everyone. Hi there. Hi. I love this topic. And Paula, I love that you mentioned The Art of Gathering because that is one of my favorite books. I actually emceed an event earlier this year and I used a lot of the tips that she had shared. to enhance the gathering. So I definitely second the love of that book and I when I think about gathering I see a lot of familiar faces here, some that I don't know, but I work for a company called Fieldwork, and we host qualitative research. We host a lot and talk a lot about how to welcome people and there was a conversation between, it was Priya Parker and Brene Brown. And one of them called this idea giving people handrails, so allowing people to show up successfully to an event. They know, the basic things, like what time it starts, where they need to be, how long they're going to be there. I think that's always stuck with me when I'm thinking about how we're welcoming both clients and participants to our facilities is, do they have everything they need to show up successfully? Do they have not just the address, but, I'm in downtown Chicago and so there's a million different Parking garages and ways to navigate the parking garage and you have to check it at the front desk So allowing for extra time for that. So I just like the concept of Thinking about a gathering and how it starts before the gathering even starts so people can show up and be Truly present and show up as their full authentic self because they were able to get there in a way It wasn't Really stressful, or they had a lot of questions, or maybe they couldn't even arrive at the virtual or in person gathering because they didn't know how to get there. Yeah, absolutely. And that's a great example of Preparing people ahead of time, which sometimes is appropriate. Sometimes it may not be, but in your case and I've experienced your services and you all do a fantastic job of helping people feel prepared and at ease, making sure they have everything ahead of time. So having a process in place that you that you're asking a variety of questions to make sure that you're setting up people for success. Like you say, yeah, is there, are there things that have been, have that have been particularly challenging? Do you have an example of something that was uh, that kind of really made you have to. Double down even more. I, as much as it's a topic that I think we're sick of talking about, it was very clear in 2020 and 2021. Really the importance of giving everybody that was coming to our spaces, all of the information. I feel like that was a time for all of us where you really needed to know, you know what? What do they expect to be when it comes to masks? How many people are going to be in the room? How close to other people are you going to be? And we had a situation at one point where the participant was told they were, it was going to be only them in the room for, and the client was going to be on the other side of the glass, but at the last minute, the client wanted to also be in the room. And that was a discussion we really had to have to talk about. Why we manage expectations and the importance of doing that and the trust that's built when you follow through with those expectations that were shared. And of course, thing, things happen in life, but in those situations particularly, it just highlighted the value and importance of following through and that follow through and trust led to a welcoming environment. There are so many different aspects of things that can happen to create that type of welcoming. And, when things happen, sometimes we make mistakes and there's a way to pick up after that and maybe sometimes apologize if that's necessary and start over. I think that is always available to us. Absolutely. There's some of my favorite I've been reading a lot lately on hospitality, and I don't know if any of you all have read either of these books Setting the Table by Danny Myers, and then Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidera. And there was a quote a friend just reminded me of from Unreasonable Hospitality, and he says, Intention means every decision from the most obviously significant to the seemingly mundane matters. To do something with intentionality means to do it thoughtfully with clear purpose and an eye on the desired result. Which, I just, that popped up and I thought that had a lot to do with welcoming in this conversation. Yeah, I love that that quote. That's a good one. Actually, I'll have to write down the name. I don't think I've read both of those books. I've heard of the hospitality one. But it really, it's really interesting, right? Because the more detail, I think there's an interesting exercise to think of, to what extent do you want things to be open and allow some go with the flow versus. When is it appropriate to really think through every single possible moment that you can and every detail? And sometimes it's just a matter of one or two small details that can really pop for someone. And the rest of it can go with the flow. I think that's why it's important sometimes to get specific, because it's like, what are you, what exactly are you trying to create with that particular design of a gathering? And sometimes it, it can be a relief to not plan so much, but It's almost like planning for the unplanned is, can be totally fine depending on what you want to create. Yeah, it's I love thinking through the design of different experiences. So I appreciate that. Thank you. Does anyone else want to come on up and talk us through an experience maybe a place where you felt particularly welcomed or an experience that you created that was very welcoming. I'm just going to share a couple of more tips that I've used or I've heard about that could be helpful in creating this sense of welcoming. One is called the Appreciation Round, and so this is an exercise where you can foster a positive atmosphere and have everyone acknowledged as a participant. And you can either begin or end a meeting with a round where each participant It says something that they appreciate about each other and you don't even have to know someone very well at all when doing this. I experienced this appreciation round in a training that I participated in not long ago and it was literally after a couple hours of a workshop and at the end. We were asked to do this appreciation round and it really was quite amazing what people can come up with just by being in someone else's space for a while and observing, their way of being. You could comment on a skill or a contribution they had or any type of quality that you might admire. I've also done things around various types of questions that I ask. Sometimes even in my own personal life where I have a dinner party, I want to shake things up a little bit and not just allow a free flow of mingling. So I will create maybe three different questions that I will have the group answer. And at first it's seems a little awkward because it's. Planned, and normally people, when they come to someone's home for an event, they may not always expect some kind of plan. So I don't overly plan it, but I do create maybe just a couple of different question cards that allow people to ask each other, or we do it as a group if it's a small group. So one time I had people show us their favorite dance move. And it was great because it allowed everyone to move their body, which I'm a big fan of. Is there something in this gathering where we can move our body? And it allowed us to laugh. It was really funny what people came up with, because sometimes people just made it up and that was totally fine. So it was fun. And and it gave us something to talk about later, actually. People still comment on that, especially a couple of the folks who did some funny things. And and they'll still bring it up to me and say, Yeah, I remember that guy who did that funny, pointing his finger dance move. Which is basically what it was. So that's another example of doing fun things at a gathering. And then if you are, and then obviously brainstorming can be one reason that we get together with people. So you can have people generate ideas in an inclusive name, an inclusive way, excuse me. And this is by using brain writing where every participant can write down their ideas about a topic and then they, then you can pass that idea around. And people can build on that idea. I also experienced this recently in a workshop and it can be really fun, right? And you can just, you don't have to take any of the ideas, but the idea is that you allow as many ideas as possible to come up and then later find a way to categorize them and potentially eliminate them. So there are many different types of exercises like that, depending on what you're trying to accomplish with your meeting. I recently also listened to a, the Adam, an Adam Grant podcast that featured Elliot Aronson. And he talked about this. This exercise that he called the Jigsaw Puzzle and I found it so fascinating because this was many years ago now and he was working with the school district to get people to be more inclusive. And they were in a classroom and divided the classroom into mixed groups and each group had a different thing to focus on for a particular assignment or topic. And then they would divide those topics into section and sections and then the members of the group were assigned one of the topics to learn and understand individually. And then the students worked together. Or individually on their topics, they were gathering information and insights and then they had to share that with the group. And then the group took that and considered those individuals to be experts on that topic. And then they had to present those topics to each other. By deeming people in their respective groups as experts, it, it had, it created collaboration and communication and more inclusivity and understanding. So I thought that was a really great example of how we can create more inclusivity as well. So that is the Jigsaw Puzzle by Elliot Aaronson. That is featured on Adam Grant's podcast. So that is my topic for here for today. And unless if someone has anything more, I would love to hear from any of you who have a perspective on welcoming, whether you have experienced it or try to create it for others. Feel free to raise your hand. I'll give it another moment. And this will be your last chance to come on up and talk. Okay, awesome. Hi Monica. Hi Monica, what's on your mind today? Hi. What is I really wanted to see how this works because I've never been to an audio event and I was like wow! So this is great. So thank you so much, Paula. It's really been very welcoming to be here. I have been thinking about how I actually had the end of kind of quarter team meeting with my direct reports and skip levels right after this. And we're all virtual. I've been really thinking about how to. How to create just a little bit more intimacy, within that. One thing I'm experimenting with and I wanted to see if anybody has an experience with this is I'm encouraging my team to all have a fireplace or a bonfire kind of image in their zoom background today and come with some hot cocoa or something. I'm just trying to simulate that idea of closing out the year and sitting around a fire, even though it's. It's impossible to do that on Zoom, but I was just wondering if anybody has any kind of ways to create a little bit more of an intimate environment in Zoom sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Let me ask do you mind if I ask a couple of questions around it? Please. Yeah. So how many people are in this meeting? Just five of us, including me. That's already fairly intimate. So it sounds like there's no need to do anything like breakouts and create topics around that. is There anything that you heard today in any of those examples, whether it's like an appreciation round or finding common ground and something, it doesn't sound like ideation is the topic for you today, but do any of those resonate at all? They, Priya Parker's book too. So I know your sentiment and, I can't remember who else said that earlier, but yeah, I'm I'm using flavors of that today because I am gonna, with that kind of fire theme, I'm gonna ask my team in a retrospective way. Especially because I'm just trying to build some relationships in that team because they don't really work together as much. The common thing is that they all report to me. in Some cases. I am going to be asking them some more reflective prompts. Hoping that they'll just Resonate with being humans with each other and ask them, what are the things that really fueled their fire this year? Oh, I love it that they want to create more of and then also asking them like what are things that they want to toss in the fire for next year Professionally and so I don't know. I just wasn't sure if you had any experience with Making meetings more cozy in that way, I think what you're doing sounds really lovely, frankly. I think it with the fire theme is very cozy, and whether they decide to put up a fire or something related to that, I guess that's up to them, but for you to have that in your background you're the one the meeting. So of course, it's up to you to set that tone. But I love your questions about what, what is, has fueled your fire. What a great question. And also what is it? Some, what was it you, what you want to, I was wondering, what do you want to just burn in the fire? What do you want to burn in the fire? It's I feel like I have a couple of people on my team that are a little less. That's touchy, touchy feely, and in some cases they could easily want to just fire extinguish this entire conversation. Yes. Trying to make it non threatening, but still intimate, and hopefully productive for everyone. Yes. Yes. And sometimes it's experimentation. So if people live a lot more in their, in the left brain rather than their creative right brain. It's just playing around with the question in a way that. Yeah. Can possibly resonate with them. And, you could even, it could just be the simple, like what's working what's not working. What do we want less of? What do we want more of is, and you're just finding different ways to ask that question that's related to your theme, which I personally love. And I, some people will get it and some people maybe won't get it as well, but I think you can ask the question in a couple of different ways. I'll report back. very much for holding this space for us. And I appreciate this as an experiment for me coming to this today. Yeah that's why I keep doing them, because I know not everyone is familiar with these, what's all available on this amazing platform that allows us to do these things. So I, I really love using voice. I hope other people use their voices in any way that they feel is is necessary or helps fuel their fire, right? Helps them keep going and create what they want to create. And I like doing that through audio, partly. That's why I do these. And I appreciate all of you for being here. Anyone else, if you would like to come on up, this is your last chance. Otherwise, I will Thank you. Thank you for all the hearts and emotions. Fabulous. Appreciate that. And also make sure to follow everyone in this room and certainly the folks who have come up on stage. I always like to appreciate them by giving them a connection and a follow. And and if you ever would like to have a conversation about how I can help you either in research or a facilitated meeting, please feel free to reach out in my DMs. And thank you all for being here. And I'm going to close it out in five, four, three, two, and one. Have a great day, everyone. Take care.